A Battle's Reminder
by LustChantay
Summary: What is the purpose of living without the one you live for?


**_I do not own Inuyasha_**

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* * *

_**He took in his current surroundings; a steep mountainside cliff, and a deep cavern below, this was an ex battlefield.

This site had held a number of different meanings for him over the last century. After his father's demise, he would come to this place and remember their last conversation there in the valley below, before it became an arena for two battling youkai.

_Flash back_

His father was trying desperately to get a message through to him, in the only way a prestigious father of the aristocratic kind could; through metaphors, and analogies.

He was trying to get him to understand why he was walking into this battle, a battle that he was ill prepared to fight.

He had explained that he came to know a feeling more powerful then divide and conquer something higher than over the top superiority.

He went on to try to physically describe it as an ailment in his chest, where it is said the heart is, a tightness that clings to your chest cavity, a feeling he only gets when he feels his loved one is in danger, and it is only cured by her safety and seeing her smile up at him in true appreciation for it.

He thought that was what the humans called love.

He was so enthralled with this human female that this supposed tightness in his chest seemed worth dying for. That he was ready to forfeit his life so that person could live theirs, he couldn't see continuing life an option after her death with that unspeakable pain in his chest, no he would gladly trade his eternal life for her finite one, and leave a part of him behind in the process, so she wasn't alone.

And left behind he did.

Inuyasha shortly became an orphan, an unwanted mistreated half-breed. He used to gaze upon this valley after his fathers death, in contempt. It wasn't worth the death. He sometimes toyed with the idea to loose the dragon from his seal himself, let Ryukotsusei reek havoc again on the lands, just in spite of his father. Then he would toy with the idea to be the one to kill him just to prove he could do what his father couldn't.

After he came here after Ryukotsusei's actual demise, he did not appreciate the feeling of inferiority that his brother had managed to settle in on him for the second time that season.

Inuyasha had managed to _**do**_ what their father couldn't. It got him to question his own strength. Could he have beaten such a foe?

He walked away feeling dejected, and it only got worse as he went to face his enemies, his father's enemies the Panther tribe, to once again be abashed by Inuyasha and his newly transformed sword, his father's sword.

_Present_

Looking back on it now he knew that it would only take him the next phase of the moon to get over the bitterness of his father's death, and birth of Inuyasha.

_Flashback_

When Rin was abducted Sesshomaru found himself thinking how his life may be simpler without the hassles of a little human girl tagging along, he thought this even as his feet were unconsciously leading him to the demons layer intent on retrieving her.

Oddly enough his feet seemed to be in charge throughout that whole affair, because as his mind was telling him to go chase after the demon that had the audacity to make an escape instead of fighting him head on, his feet flew him in the direction of his ward instead of his new hated foe.

He got the first taste of this supposed ailment his father spoke of when he walked away to leave his brother and the miko alone to ponder the fact that he Sesshomaru just spared an accomplice of Naraku. As he headed into the forest there was a sudden clenching in his chest that he was sure had nothing to do with his frustration of abandoning a kill.

Rin was still among the other two, and he was wondering if she would decide to stay with them instead of follow after him, after all she did just have an experience that would have any normal human child in crying convulsions; he had retrieved her in the end but didn't prevent it from happening in the beginning.

Luckily the grasp on his chest was short lived, because soon he felt tiny tremors below his feet moving toward his direction, and it was confirmed at hearing her sweet voice sing back to the two a cheerful goodbye.

Truly they must have been stunned, but not as stunned as him.

It was then he understood what it meant to have someone in his life not just to serve, but be apart of his daily being, a body of life who put all their trust in you, and to unconditionally choose you every time under any circumstance. That was what his father died for. A youkai who had many enemies, and allies, was longing for the affections of someone impermanent. Someone who had more to loose then territory, or rank, this person had a human life, and that was what his father was trying to convey, how fragile, breakable, and all the more precious a human life was.

He knew then he would do anything in his demonic might to keep her falling prey to harm of any kind, and despite the circular journey of tracking down an impossible demon, he had never felt more stable in his whole life because of it.

…

That unforgettable feeling in his chest didn't return again till the time Naraku was defeated. Everything was finished, he had a new sword, his eyes set on new priorities, and he was about to depart from the human village after he collected his party, only to be stopped by the village's priestess.

She wanted Rin to stay.

Of course she would, she was a priestess who didn't approve of a little innocent girl traveling with a male demon. He was about to tell her to mind her business when he noticed Rin playing with some of the village girls that talked her into their game. His chest clenched, he would leave her.

He remembered his regrets in the underworld, why hadn't he left her among her on kind; she was no animal to be roaming around in the woods.

She was a human, as he was constantly reminded, and when he turned to walk away with only Jaken and Ah-Un in tow, the clutching of a vital organ brought on an indescribable pain.

She wasn't following.

He thought she would at least put up a fight. He heard no complaining, no pitter patter of feet running for him. He had been wrong, his father had been wrong, his brother wrong, they eventually leave. They were human, and one way or another Rin would leave him if not now then to her husband in the future, and then to death again. There is no point in dying for something that will fade so soon anyways, enjoy it while it's around but why die for it.

His internal tirade stopped at the plodding of tiny feet.

"Sesshomaru-sama"

As he turned to look down at her, he almost went cross at how she suddenly looked years older to him now. Like she understood things even he was still trying to grasp.

"Will you still come to visit me?"

His first thought was 'What's the point?' He had other things to do, and had no intentions being anywhere near a human village again if he could help it. Before he could those things his mouth moved before he remembered giving it permission too.

"I will when I can."

And then with her glassy smile the clenching released and he realized what she was trying to convey in her face but was too afraid to say out loud.

'I will stay with them, but I need you.'

Maybe he shouldn't jump to such conclusions about humans so quickly.

…

He thought the tightness over time would ebb up the more he was away from her but it stayed, not to where he couldn't function but it was still annoyingly there none the less, and it would only ease up when he went to see her. But the changes taking place through each visit troubled him. He never had any reason to monitor human growth before, when he noticed his brother's companion come back from the other side of the well three years later she seemed a little older, and as a matter of fact so did Kohaku's sister. It just made the tightness come back even more; soon Rin would be there ages as well. Looking down at her on one visit, her thirteen years of life experience seemed that much more fragile and breakable.

The clenching finally abated for good three years later on the day he allowed her to travel with him again. He had found her in an unusual place that was no where near his brother's village. He had not seen her in about a year, and had taken a trip to Totosai's to have some work done on his sword, and there she was in an ensemble that he never remembered purchasing for her, and gripping a sword like it was her savior.

When they saw each other she looked at him in a way no one ever had before, and he looked at her like he never seen her before. She followed him since then.

_Present_

Now a year later from that time, he was here at this familiar gravesite. The clenching had let up long ago, and confusion had taken its place. He suddenly picked up the sound of feet dropping down on the ledge behind him, no longer did they make that childish pitter patter, instead her trot held the bearings of a lady.

"Sesshomaru-sama". His name out her mouth was no longer a chirp, but now a song.

"Leave me Rin". He didn't want to seem upset, he wanted to sound indifferent as usual. Nevertheless it came out as a bark that would lead to the promise of a large bite if she didn't obey.

"I'm not so afraid of you that I would live a lie." Is that so? he wondered wickedly to himself.

"What would you have me do Rin." He was trying to be patient but his mind wouldn't let him rest, she wouldn't let him rest.

"Nothing my Lord I would have you do as you always have done."

His eyes narrowed at the remark, he believed it held some kind of double meaning and wondered where she acquired so much boldness to speak to him in such a way. He choose no retort, but she wasn't finished anyways.

"I expect nothing from you, although I fear you will cast me away, over the sublets of actions." She choose to sit under _**his**_ tree, took strong hold of _**his**_ hand as if to make a plea, then shot him a gaze full of a woman's need.

Subtle? She says, and as she continues to talk he _actually_begins to feel more at ease.

"I will not live forever." An obvious statement "But if you wish to know what I would have you do my lord, I would have you allow me to remain with you for the remainder of my days, and remain fighting alongside of you." He didn't need another sidekick, but he had to admit he enjoyed her company.

"That is all you wish?" He was skeptical.

"As I said I will not lie my lord." He had to lift a brow at that one, even if she still only saw his back.

"You say you would not lie, but also remarked, you would not _**live**_ a lie, is remaining in my company with the limit of only gazing at me in shadows not anything but living a lie." How did she know she could find him here, she knew what significance this place held for him, what it could hold for them if he would allow such a relationship to transpire between them.

No answer. As he figured

The clouds that painted the sky suddenly multiplied, it seemed this place would always carry a particular gloom no matter how bright the weather was a short distance away. The rain started pouring down in sheets, although it didn't affect him enough to move from his perch, he knew it would affect her. And as predicted she choose to walk away probably to seek shelter under the denser trees back at camp.

But out of nowhere it seemed that all to familiar clenching in his chest took notice and squeezed, so distant but never forgotten, but this one was different then the rest, he felt as if this attack would be the one to kill him if she were to walk away from him, and if he would let things be left where they were. He would never get another chance, a chance at what he quickly questioned himself. A chance to see that look of pure adoration from her he hopelessly craved. He looked down into the cavern one more time, and it only reaffirmed what he already knew. This disease would kill him. But he was going to die one day anyway. He leapt off the perch to block her path into the forest; he then could see the streams of tears through the stream of rain drops plastered down her face. As his hands came up to grip the sides of her face, he _**felt **_the lesson learned from his father…

'When you are in love with a human woman they will follow you in life, but you will undoubtedly follow them in death.' Then at least he should die a happy man.


End file.
